Letter #39

Content Warning: depression, anxiety, social anxiety, self-worth issues


A lot of my depression and anxiety stems from a lack of self-worth and self-love. I have always compared myself to the next person, measuring whether I was as attractive, as slim, and as likable as them. And I felt that I was never any of those things. This led to very negative thoughts and self-doubt about everything I did. I always found myself wondering, “What will people think? How will I be perceived? Will this make them like me?” 

I second-guessed everything I did; I had a lot of social anxiety because I felt like everyone who talked to me walked away thinking I was annoying or weird. I searched for any way to fit in or any source of external validation. I had a hard time being outside and doing menial tasks without feeling like everyone was judging me and hating me. It took a lot of effort to continuously and slowly build my way out of this deep hole of insecurities and isolation. 

Some days there is regression, and I still have those lingering thoughts of self-doubt and worthlessness. What helps me find comfort is the fact that a month, a year, or even ten years down the line, this moment will not matter. It is important to take things day by day, finding joy in little things and hobbies. This helps me to keep my mind off of ill feelings towards myself. When bad thoughts in my mind become too loud, I focus my energy onto something else to distract myself.


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