Content Warnings: Stress, Competition
Dear stranger,
How are you? I hope you’ve been well. If not, that’s okay too. School’s starting again after a relaxing summer. I already had my first day back and I can’t believe how many things my peers were able to do this summer. Whether it was working or volunteering, everyone’s done so much. They’ve also got all advanced placement, or AP, classes. I know that I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I can’t help it. I feel like I should’ve done more, like I’m falling behind everyone else. I’ve done internships and work over the summer, but I still feel like I could’ve done more.
I also had to drop one of my AP classes. I was supposed to take an advanced placement Physics class, but my schedule didn’t work out, so I had to take a grade level class instead. I felt fine about it, until I mentioned it to one of my friends. She’s the top of our class, and she gave me a taunting look along with some rude comments. Honestly, it made me feel so much worse and useless. I know people tell students to not feel overwhelmed, but I can’t help but feel like I should be able to do more. I’m going to be applying to colleges soon and teachers aren’t helping us either. They only tell us that only the best will succeed.
I look around and can’t help but feel so alone and so behind all of my peers. Even though I talk to my teachers/peers and try to ask for help, I can’t help but feel like they’re silently laughing at me for not understanding. And in those moments, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alone. All people talk about are class ranks and grades. One by one, I feel like I have to give up on my dreams and dream colleges because there are people who are better than me. I miss the old days where we’d laugh and joke together about trivial things. I really do. When grades and rankings didn’t matter as much.
I hate the fact that teachers feed into this competition where students try to knock each other down. Friendly competitions are fun and I really like them, but it’s exhausting when adults tell kids to keep working and to surpass other students, that one person is better than someone else because they got a hundred on one test or they got a question right that everyone else got wrong. All I want is to graduate highschool and go to a college that I actually like.
Anyways, if you read this far, thank you. I really appreciate you reading my story. If you feel the same way, please don’t compare yourself to others. You’re doing the best you can. Don’t exhaust yourself, take time to rest and relax. I’m sure you’re doing so much more than you actually know. People believe in you and love you.
Stay safe.
