Content Warnings: Anxiety, Social Ostracization, Self Deprecation
Dear stranger,
I hope you’re well. Even if you’re not, that’s completely fine. Wherever I go, I seem to be the odd one out. In my friend groups, I’m either the one who is too ‘normal ‘ or the one who is just ‘weird’. I don’t know. I know adults say that being unique is applauded, but it’s really difficult not being able to fit in. It’s almost physically painful. I’m the butt of every joke and the outsider. My friends only need me when it’s beneficial for them, but other than that it’s just nothing. And, the first few times, it’s fine. It’s funny, but after dealing with it for so long, it’s so painful. Everytime I meet someone new, it’s exciting; it feels like a new opportunity for me to be able to connect with someone when we get along, but after a few weeks, they’re also making a joke out of me.
Maybe the worst part about all of this is that I get where they’re coming from. The conversations get awkward and dry, so let’s just pick on the person who doesn’t really fit into the group. That’s fine, but don’t attack the same person over and over again. It’s moments like this where I just feel like the loneliest person in the world, like out of the 8 billion people in this world, not even one will understand my perspective. People ask me why I leave friend groups, and that’s why. I can never stick in one friend group for too long. I guess that’s why it seems like I have a lot of friends, but in reality, I don’t really matter to anyone or any friend group.
But on that note, I think that it’s really difficult to find someone who you really like and them liking you back. But, I think its rarity makes it that much more valuable and cherished when we actually meet that person. I won’t say to always keep your head up or to keep smiling, but dearest reader, I do hope that you can keep an open mind for everyone you cross paths with. Someone is bound to understand you, so just keep going. Go through the night and survive to see the morning sunrise, because I think it will definitely be worth the trouble.
Stay safe out there.
