Content Warnings: Toxic friendships, manipulation
Dear stranger,
I hope you’re doing well, if you’re not, that’s okay too. I went to a friend’s party yesterday; it was for her birthday. I brought her some self-care goods and jewelry. Among the friends she invited to her party was a girl named “K.” K has amazing grades, but she tends to have some manipulative tendencies. I think she might consider me to be one of her closest friends, but I am someone who talks to everyone and has a lot of different friend groups. I like people and interacting with new ones, but K hates it. She hates change and tends to cling on to me in social interactions. I don’t really like this habit of hers and have told her to talk to new people, but she chooses not to.
Yesterday was the same; I interacted with mostly everyone there and was able to have some great conversations, but K was sticking close by. She asked me about my exam grades when we were alone and I scored an 81, while she scored a 91. I was happy for her, but she made it seem like she was above me because of her 10 extra points. Later on, I was texting a boy that I really like, “D.” He’s very genuine and sweet, but he’s not into girls, which I respect, but it’s nice to just be friends with him. I mentioned my conversations to D and how I didn’t know how to reply to one of my friends who was at the party, but K came into our conversation and told me I was making stupid decisions. I just wrote it off as another comment.
The party ended, and I texted K that I had an amazing conversation with D. K and I chat about these moments we have with people that we like. I supported her when she was going through her talking phase, and I thought she’d do the same, but I guess not. She started off by saying that gay men are nicer and considerate to anyone, regardless of who they’re talking to, so it doesn’t really matter if he was nice to me. When I told her I just liked talking to him and that he makes me feel so happy, she just responded by saying my priorities should be focused on my family. And I was just really annoyed. I hated that she put D in a category without even knowing him, and how she just told me I was wrong for focusing on talking to him. It made me feel like I was supposed to be happy for her when things are going well, but when I talk about my nice moments, she just rips it to shreds because they aren’t her stories. I don’t know, it just made me feel angry and frustrated, especially because I was struggling to talk to him all year long and she knew that. And then she tells me that she’s only telling me this because she ‘loves’ me.
I just wish that K wasn’t so rude about how she words things or so clingy. If you’re struggling with these kinds of problems too, please don’t feel terrible. Your successes and your failures both deserve attention, maybe a pat on the back or someone who can cheer with you and celebrate you. I know that this was a very small problem in the grand scheme of things, but after a while it builds up and you eventually get tired of dealing with people. But people always deserve at least one chance to get to know them, so just meet a lot of people and you’ll be able to find your crowd. Don’t be afraid to reach out!
Stay safe.
