Letter #176

Content Warnings: Academic stress, Suicidal thoughts


Dear friend,


I’m not really sure where to start. I haven’t been in the best place mentally. It’s interesting because the semester’s finished, but I’m actually far more stressed now than I was a week ago when I was pulling all-nighters to study for my exams. I think finals week kept my brain from overthinking, but now that I have all this free time, my mind decided that now was the best time to replay all my past traumas on a never-ending loop.


Well that, paired with feeling incredibly alone, even though I have people around me. But no one gets me. It makes me wanna push everyone away, but I don’t know if I’m doing this because there is something wrong with our friendship, or because I’m scared to let people in when I’m feeling upset. I think it might be a combination of both, to be honest. I think it’s time I re-evaluate certain issues with my friendships, but also, work on my emotional intimacy issues because they’re definitely hurting my relationships with my friends.


I don’t have much else to say, except that I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread. I wanna be alone, but I want someone there. I wanna tell them that I’m not okay. That my brain is going at 150 miles an hour, and it feels almost impossible to stop it. Until then, this letter will have to do. Thank you for listening <3



A friend.


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