Content Warning: Swearing, Emotional abuse, Academic stress, Marijuana use, Anxiety
I honestly have had so much hatred for my parents ever since I was a teenager. They made me anxious towards school and made me feel like everything was dependent on how I did at school. I have always been stressed about being enough for them. I love them, but they make me feel like s*** in their own ways.
My mom thinks pushing me down is what will motivate me to do better, but it actually just makes me hate her. But she’s my mom, and she has done so much for me, so I love her too. I wouldn’t be so hard-working if it wasn’t for my parents that work so much.
I think I work so hard, too, to make them not have to struggle so hard one day. I wish to provide a life for them too because they have no retirement plans and I feel that weight on me every day.
My dad loves me so much, and I used to think he was so chill and laid back because he didn’t want to stress me out. Then, when I found out that he just was high all the time, I felt so much hatred towards him. It made me mad that he could be numb through all this. He saw me going through so much and would just argue with my mom about it, only making me feel worse. It felt like I was the root of all their arguments. I think I feel like I kind of lost some love from my dad because we don’t talk as much.
With my mom, I prefer the distant love because when she gets too comfortable with me, she treats me like s***. But I’m trying to find a balance with them and not hold so much anger towards them. I am still working on it.
Hope everyone has a better day!