Content Warning: Loneliness, Social anxiety
I believe my feelings of loneliness and emptiness began in high school. I’ve always been a fairly isolated person by nature, but everyone told me that this wasn’t a healthy way to live my life. I guess I never really thought about it that way; I just simply liked being alone, but as I get older and lose people and friendships in my life, I am beginning to realize that my isolated behavior is a major issue. I hadn’t realized how damaging my actions were until I was older.
I’m always hit by feelings of emptiness. I believe it is because I have no one to talk to; my isolated personality makes me uncomfortable attending someplace with many people and engaging in conversation with them, which I believe is caused by choosing to be alone. I am nervous and uneasy about communicating my feelings with those around me because I do not believe they would understand. Most days, I feel lonely and empty, maybe because I don’t have many satisfying relationships with individuals in my life. When I tell myself that I’m going to fix this, my mind constantly tells me that it’s okay to be alone, that this isn’t an issue. I can’t get rid of this emptiness and loneliness no matter what I do. The worst thing is that when I’m feeling this way, all I want to do is retreat into my isolated nature because it seems safer.
When I was in university, all I felt was loneliness. I’m not sure why, because I had people around me, but I felt like this period in my life had made me even more isolated. It fostered my isolation and made me feel empty and dissatisfied with my life when there was no need for me to be. I don’t know how to explain it; I have no reason to be unhappy, yes, life can be challenging at times, and I have been through difficult situations, but continuously feeling alone and empty makes no sense to me. I try to journal about these feelings I’m experiencing, but it only provides me with momentary solace. I also pray a lot because I’m convinced this is the only way for me to mentally and emotionally calm myself down and truly feel that everything will be okay.
Thank you friend for reading.