Letter #58

Content Warning: loneliness, self-doubt, depression

Dear Diary,


Today, as I reflect upon my years as a veterinary student, I am engulfed by an overwhelming and profound sadness, a melancholy that cuts deep, like a wound that refuses to heal. The solitude that walked beside me during that chapter of my life is a haunting specter that still casts its long, dolorous shadow, even now, years after those painful days.


The years of veterinary school were a bleak expanse of emptiness, a desolation of unparalleled magnitude. The unrelenting pressure, the ceaseless, mind-numbing studies, and the suffocating weight of responsibility, with decisions that held the fate of innocent animals in their balance, all conspired to envelop me in a dark cocoon of isolation. Each diagnosis, each surgical procedure, felt like another heavy link in a chain, dragging me deeper into the abyss of solitude.


In the solitary, inky depths of my nocturnal studies, my tears merged with the pages of textbooks, blurring the lines between my despair and the subject. The isolation I felt was a tangible, oppressive force, akin to a silent scream reverberating within the confines of my chest.


Loneliness was like an unyielding tempest that swept me away into a chasm of desolation, without a safe harbor to which I could anchor my weary soul. While my peers seemed to find refuge in each other, I was a forsaken island, unable to share the anguish that gnawed at me from the inside.


I often questioned the worth of this relentless journey. The never-ending pressure and the emptiness that consumed me were nearly unbearable. Yet, there was an indefinable force that drove me onward, even when I teetered on the brink of the abyss.


Today, as I glance back upon those days, the sadness remains my constant companion, an inescapable and murky specter. The days of loneliness, the nights of unrelenting sorrow, and the unshakable belief that veterinary medicine is a mournful path; these memories cling to me tenaciously.


The life of a veterinarian can be a saga of solitude, sacrifice, and sadness, but it’s also a path that I consciously chose, despite the heartache it carries. I find solace in the hope that, in the end, the good I do for animals will outweigh the sorrow that has etched itself into the very fabric of my heart.


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