Content Warnings: stalking
Dear Stranger,
How are you? I hope you’re doing well, but even if you’re not, that’s okay too. My 17th birthday just passed. I suppose that’s supposed to be a good day, but I’m not sure if it was. I’ve had this friend for three years now. I really loved him when we first met, but he fell for someone else, and I helped him get together with her. I was angry and frustrated, but I just wanted him to be happy. But lately we’ve been drifting. Up until this year, he would send me a happy birthday text at exactly 12 am on my birthday and get me meaningful gifts. The small things mattered in our friendship, and I really adored that. But this year came along and nothing. And this past year has just been filled with empty promises from him and passive-aggressive comments about our grades.
He’s always been a smart person, but it felt like he was constantly trying to one-up me. I honestly don’t know why. But the constant comparisons of grades he does, and his dismissiveness have just annoyed me. I guess I should be happy for him that he has other priorities now, but it hurts. He was and is a friend I was really happy to talk to. He was the person who helped me recover from my weird encounters with a guy who had stalkerish tendencies, and the person whom I turned to whenever I wanted to have deep talks with. And in a way, I guess to him, those small moments didn’t really mean anything. I was just another girl who didn’t really matter, a classmate who came over a couple of times, a rival he needed to beat.
It has me constantly spiraling, wondering what I did wrong. If I had done something to offend him, or if I accidentally hurt him, but lately, I’ve been getting exhausted wondering what I did wrong. There’s a small part in my brain that feels guilty, even when I’ve done nothing wrong, and he just constantly triggers that part of my mind. As much as I hate to admit it, I still have a soft spot for him, but maybe it’s better to place some distance between us.
Stay safe, guys!
