Content Warnings: Stress, anxiety, burn-out
For a very long time, I struggled with doing art due to my mental health issues. It started when I was in middle school and progressed all the way up till college, which I am currently in. It was an experience that really weighed down on me.
I can’t really describe what it was like, other than a constant weight of pressure on me. I only could draw when I wanted to, maybe a few times a month. I had trouble in my art classes, very ironic because that is what I was known for the most: the student who loved art and would make it her career someday. I still passed most of my classes, but it was almost always due to rushing projects during the last week before they were due.
I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. I hated art, but I couldn’t help watching content related to it. I doodled in every book not related to art classes, talked about things I wanted to draw, except I couldn’t, and I had no clue why. Honestly, I don’t know why still, but I have started to open up more about how I feel to my friends.
I didn’t want to admit to hating art. I was worried that it would make me a fraud in a way, like everything about me wasn’t real, since art is the biggest part of my personality. I did talk about it though, and it made the pressure I’ve been feeling less restricting. Of course my friends are supportive, they always are very sweet with what I deal with.
I wouldn’t say my issue is fixed completely, but I do know that it has been easier to draw and do assignments for classes. It’s a little silly because I have mostly art classes now. I thought it would be harder, but I have been smiling more and drawing for others again. I am being careful right now with it, but I have been happier than ever to draw.
