Content Warning: Pet loss, Grief
To my closest friend,
You’re all alone now, aren’t you?
You’ve thought to yourself, it’s okay that nobody wants to be your friend. Even if someone sat down with you at lunch, you would have nothing to say, nothing you could say because you’re terrible at conversation. It would only be a terribly awkward meal, where you now couldn’t even enjoy your lunch, and that other person would possibly feel bad for making you feel uncomfortable. And that’s really no good, isn’t it?
It’s okay that your sister moved away. That’s just the way of life. People leave. You could continue life as you have been, except now her computer room would be dark at night. You couldn’t pat yourself on the back for surprising her with freshly baked cookies. And, hey, now she won’t keep you up at night watching romance shows or making you share instant noodles that you don’t actually enjoy all that much. Honestly, it’s not like she ever really needed you anyways. You’ve always known that you’re the one clinging onto her legs, begging her to save you. So it’s better this way. Better that she gets to be away from you and live her own life.
You thought you were okay not talking to anybody, not seeing anybody. You could eat your meals at your own pace, watch whatever shows you wanted, and never have to worry about someone making fun of your earnest, genuine moments, or judging you for the weirder parts. No one could stop you from doing whichever shallow bits of fun you wanted to indulge in. It was better that you were alone, but you were comforted by those small, honking snores emanating from that pile of blankets, the way they insisted on clambering into your sheets, allowing you to wake up content with feeling them in your arms. Sure, they barked at anyone that came into the house. They kept digging into the garbage, and they woke you up because they kept coming and going in and out of your room.
But still. You just wanted them, your closest friend by your side.
And now you’re all alone with a box of ashes.
Everyone keeps telling you to be okay with this.
But you really, really don’t want to be.
