Content warning: anxiety, burnout
Dear stranger,
How are you? I hope you’ve been well; if not, that’s okay too. I feel like junior year so far has been so busy and messy. I feel like I’m grasping for any loose threads to just simply have some time to relax. And when I finally get the time to relax, I feel restless because there are so many more things I could be doing to be more productive and get ahead with my studies. There are so many aspects of my life that I feel like I’m becoming more detached from.
As soon as I enjoy taking time off, hanging out with friends, or relaxing, my grades seem to fall. I feel myself spiraling more and more often, the feeling of loneliness seeping in whenever I see a happy couple in the school halls. And I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but I can’t help but feel so worthless. Along with my declining grades, this doesn’t exactly promote a happy mindset. Lately, I’m always so angry and frustrated. I don’t feel like I’m satisfied with anything; I’m constantly chasing more and more. I guess if you phrase it in a positive light, you could characterize me as determined, but I’m so tired and burnt out.
I’m trying to make more time to relax—watching movies and going on runs—stuff that used to help me relax when I was stressed. But every time I go back to school the next day, I face the same negative feelings. I can’t help but compare myself to others and just be so frustrated that I can’t do better when I should be able to. And I wallow, wondering what went wrong. Every time, I’m reminded of my own shortcomings. I’m really hoping that things will get a bit easier for me as the year progresses, but we’ll see.
Stay safe!
