Letter #165

Content Warnings: body dysmorphia, disordered eating


This week has been kind of a tough week. I have been emotionally and physically exhausted. This has resulted in both my body and brain wanting more food. However, I have always struggled with my body image and eating in general. I have never really enjoyed eating in front of people, especially since I am an extremely picky eater. So, for a long time until recently, the only times I would eat around others were when I was forced to be with other people in group settings.


Due to my recent exhaustion, I have eaten a lot more than usual (two meals and a snack per day as opposed to my usual nightly dinner with close friends). It has wreaked havoc on both my mind and body. My stomach has been hurting from hunger, but the pain is from eating off schedule. My mind has been so confused because I feel better and more focused when I eat, but I don’t want to eat at the same time. I always feel more confident about myself when I don’t eat.


However, I am definitely happier and more myself when I do. I have to remind myself that I am not a grumpy person by nature, I just need a snack. It’s hard to admit that something is wrong until you see how much better things could be. Also, to be so for real…pizza sounds SO good right now 🙂


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