Letter #144

Content Warnings: trust issues, emotional attachment, romance, unreciprocated feelings


Hello Stranger,


I hope all is well, and even if it’s not, that’s okay. It’s a secret, but I really like this person. He is amazing in all sorts of ways. He’s extremely talented, and he’s been occupying my mind all the time for a while now. I’m not a very active person in terms of school spirit, but I went to a musical that our school did to support him. And honestly, it only made me like him more. We’re not close friends but close enough to wave to each other if we meet in the halls and occasionally smile at each other. But, I’m already aware that he doesn’t like me romantically, and I’m okay with that. To be completely honest, I’m more comfortable with him not liking me back. It’s not that I like one-sided relationships; I have a difficult time trusting people.


I’ve never really had a good relationship in the past. There have been people who had overstayed their welcome or others who would just blurt out ‘I love you’ in the first hour of dating. And to be completely honest, I’m not sure if I know the meaning of love either. I’ve come to realize that there are different variations of it: platonic, romantic, family, etc. But, in my definition, I think love is meant to feel smooth and natural. Even though it can make people do crazy things. It’s, quite frankly, really scary to me. It can take over someone’s mind if they aren’t careful, and that’s terrifying. It can also leave lasting impacts on both parties. I’m also trying to understand what makes people break other’s boundaries and if I had ever done so without realizing it. 


It’s an interesting thought to have before going to bed. But in any case, I find it difficult to completely trust someone, and maybe it’s because of my past experiences. But it’s definitely difficult to try and date people, especially if the other person’s love language is physical touch. I’m okay with touch as long as I get a heads up, but I can get easily overwhelmed, and I try to step back when my brain stops processing things. But some people try to forcefully gain trust from me, and that’s scarring to say the least.


Trust is fragile. Once it’s broken, it can’t be put back together, at least for me. And marriage is something I can’t even really imagine. Maybe one day, I’ll be able to have long and deep conversations with the guy that I currently like. At least that’s something to look forward to in the future.


Even though I have slight trust issues, I still have people I can trust without hesitation. Like my family and some of my closest friends who I’ve only known for a year. I’m still working on it, even though it’s getting a bit better. A couple things to maybe consider from this letter are that love is undefined, but it’s based on trust. People can break trust bonds very easily, and they might not even realize it. And if you’re going through similar struggles like me, things will get better. I hope you’ll be able to meet someone that you can trust whole-heartly


Enjoy the rest of your day.

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