Content Warning: anxiety, depression, self-doubt, academic stress, fatigue, harassment, abandonment.
Dear stranger,
I hope everything’s been well, if not, that’s okay too. I had a long conversation with my friend about life in general, it’s been a bit rough. I’ve been through a lot of things that I’m completely sure a person my age shouldn’t have gone through, or I don’t know, maybe it’s simply a part of growing up.
My grades have been slowly slipping and I stay up trying to study, but I end up not paying attention in class the next day because of the fatigue and loss of sleep. I don’t have my life as put together as I pretend I do. I’m barely surviving each week and I’m struggling to find comfort in my everyday life.
I’m finding the loss of childhood innocence in my everyday life and it actually really hurts. People I grew up with are now harassing girls to be with them and others are so shut off they ignore me. And I’m not the bright, straight-A student I used to be. I can just feel everything fading into the dark and it feels like I’m desperately trying to find some comfort in something, anything.
Even with relationships, a lot of my friends have partners, others have someone they’re talking to, but I don’t have anything and it feels so, so lonely. I just want to be loved, to be shown affection that’s genuinely sweet and comforting. Someone I can talk to for hours, someone who loves me for myself, and I don’t have to pretend like I’m someone I’m not, just for them to be happy when they’re with me. Maybe it’s just the comparison, or maybe it’s just that I’m being really selfish, but I just want to meet someone I can give my full affection to.
As I look around myself, I can’t help but think that I’m not adequate. Like I’m broken in some sort of way, in a way that no one can possibly want me. I’m not sure about anything, it’s an uncertain time in my life and I know that, but I’m just really scared of the future and just how everything’s going to turn out. But, I guess we’ll see what happens.
Stay Safe !
