Content Warnings: Social Anxiety
Dear Reader,
I want to share something personal with you, something that has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember: being overly introverted and dealing with social anxiety. It’s a deeper challenge that makes even the simplest social interactions feel like daunting tasks. There are days when the thought of attending a gathering or even a one-on-one coffee with a friend feels like climbing a mountain. I’ll sit there, my mind swirling with questions: what if I say something awkward? What if I can’t keep up the conversation? What if they think I’m boring? What if I run out of things to talk about and everyone can tell I’m uncomfortable? These thoughts spiral until I’ve built up the event in my head to be this massive, terrifying obstacle.
Dealing with this isn’t easy. I wish I could say I’ve overcome it, but that’s not true. What I’ve learned, though, is that I can’t keep avoiding people forever. So, I’ve started trying something new. Before any social event, whether it’s a big gathering or just meeting one person, I take a few minutes to remind myself that it’s okay to be nervous. I’ve stopped expecting myself to be perfectly relaxed or confident in these situations because that’s just not realistic for me.
And here’s something I’ll admit. It might not fit everyone’s situation, but I force myself to attend. Some people say it’s okay to quit or skip sometimes, and maybe that’s true for them. But for me, pushing myself to show up, even when my social battery feels dead, makes me feel better in the long run. Yes, every time I go, my social energy feels drained by the end, but I also walk away with a small sense of accomplishment. That little victory—just the fact that I did it—means a lot to me. It reminds me that I’m not stuck, that I’m capable of pushing through, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Also, there’s a routine I’ve developed before social events. Something that’s become a bit of a lifeline for me, even though it’s a little awkward. Before I go out, I write down some notes. Not huge scripts or anything, just a few talking points or reminders of things I could mention if the conversation hits that dreaded silence. It’s a strange ritual, and I’ll admit, sometimes it feels a bit ridiculous, like I’m rehearsing for a performance instead of just showing up as myself.
But it helps. I jot down a few talking points or reminders, like a conversation starter or a calming phrase for myself. Sometimes, I even write down a list of topics I’m comfortable discussing, or just a reminder to breathe if things get overwhelming. Yes, it feels a little awkward that I even need these notes. Part of me wishes I could just socialize without overthinking every word. But at the same time, these notes seem like a safety net to me when my anxiety takes over.
It’s complicated. On the one hand, I feel self-conscious that I have to rely on this strategy. On the other hand, it’s what helps me show up in spaces where I’d otherwise feel frozen. I’m not “fixed.” I’m still introverted, and social anxiety still holds its grip on me. But I’ve learned that it’s okay to take small, practical steps to manage it. The notes don’t erase anxiety, but they make the unpredictability of socializing a little less terrifying.
If you’re reading this and feel the same way, know that it’s okay to have your own way of dealing with things. It’s okay to show up in whatever capacity you can. I’m still figuring it out myself, and that’s fine.
Take care.
