Letter #141

Content Warnings: Social Ostracization

Hi, how are you today?


Look, it doesn’t matter whether I can hear you or not as long as you answer the question for yourself. Because how can you face your troubles if you don’t know what they are?


A couple years ago, I moved to a new school. I was a loner and a stranger. I didn’t know this at the time, but it’s in my nature to fight. I thought I was making friends, but I made enemies. Most of them were teachers and admin who collaborated to get me into a different class, but there was this one student. Truth be told, neither of us minded the other’s existence; just imagine Loki and Tony Stark in the same room. When there was an Uno deck or a wall of memes between us, it wasn’t so bad. We tried to hang out in person again but didn’t even complete the arrangements. So yeah, I had no friends.


I thought I was lonely then. Two years later, I moved again. I actually made friends, but we had some fights and they didn’t stick around long. It took probably six or seven months before the wear on our relationships began to show. The workload dragged me down and my concentration began to wander. I had summer to recuperate, but in just three months I lost my interest too. Now, I have to ask myself a question: what happens when a fighter is too tired to fight?


I don’t know the answer, but it’s nothing good. Sometimes I ask myself other questions too. Like if I’ve lost my mind, or if the world is breaking me, or if there really is a God. I only know one answer: there is a God. If there weren’t, I would have already given up and become an anarchist. Remember, for every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction.


So ask yourself: how are you doing today? Are you struggling? Fighting? Do you feel the world is broken? Does it all seem like too much? Then ask yourself this, if it’s too much: what took it so long? The world weighs exactly as much today as it did yesterday, so why didn’t you break yesterday? Or why not last week? Or even last year? What was holding you up, and why do you think it isn’t there anymore? I’ve seen what I could be, I know I’m dangerous, and there’s a God stopping my punches.

Believe what you want, but I trust that guy.

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