Letter #125

Content Warning: Social anxiety


Fitting In

Growing up I often thought I had no trouble making friends and was always secure in never feeling alone. This started to change as I grew older. Throughout my childhood, I was always expressive and used creativity to the best of my ability. I always sought to connect with others and better understand school topics by asking classmates. I was innocent enough to consider all my classmates as friends, even if I did not talk to them often. 


Though, whenever I expressed my feelings to certain people, I was always met with the same behavior: I was dismissed, overlooked, and never taken seriously despite my clarity. I often thought this was a result of my appearance, as I looked very young. It was deeply frustrating, and as a result, I became reserved. I hardly spoke of any difficulties I was facing and resorted to hyper-independence. I grew so accustomed to this that I was often perceived as shy and quiet, though I had just developed social anxiety.


After being reserved for so long and isolating myself from everyone, now I find it difficult to reach out to others in times of difficulty. While I do have reliable friends, I wish it wasn’t so difficult for me to connect with others. I wish I still held those same expressive, optimistic, and kind traits from my early youth.

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