Content Warnings: Depression, suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts
I want you to know that you’re not alone, and I truly understand what you’re going through. There was a time when I felt like I was cursed because of something I couldn’t control, something that had a profound impact on my life, something that seemed to take over. It made me unrecognizable to myself and influenced how I interacted with people. That something was depression, and it all started back in middle school.
Back then, I didn’t feel like myself anymore. I’d spend days in a perpetual sad mood, lacking energy. Intrusive thoughts would creep in, and I’d entertain them as a way to escape, thinking that ending my life might be the solution to stop the suffering.
Even today, I’m still battling those intrusive thoughts and the weight of depression. I wonder when it will end and if I’ll ever truly be happy, if I’ll ever experience freedom. But unlike years ago, I now know how to seek help to deal with what I’m going through. Some days are better than others, but I still look forward to the good days.
I’m on a journey to manage my depression so that it doesn’t negatively impact my life. Most importantly, I’m learning to be kinder to myself, especially on those tough days.