Content Warnings: self deprecation
Growing out of friendships is really difficult. I had to come to terms with the fact that my best friend for the past few years was quickly becoming toxic, and it was something that I had to put space in between for my own health. It was really hard to do because when I asked for space from her she blew up on me. She mentioned a bunch of ways I had been negatively impacting her, but she had never addressed anything prior. In retrospect I realized that a true friend would have, because they want you to be good and push you to be better because they know your worth and what you are capable of.
I can acknowledge that we both hurt each other more than we were helping each other, and I did the right thing by advocating for myself and asking for distance. I will not lie, it was really tough because when she listed a bunch of negative things about me, I was left conflicted between feeling that she did not truly ever have my best interest at heart or that I was really a terrible person and I was doing her the favor by leaving her life because I did not deserve her.
After sulking for a while and distancing myself from nearly everyone at that time (this is not something I suggest, but this is something that was needed for me), I was able to look at the situation objectively. I was caught up in asking other people who was in the wrong or what went wrong in the situation. This was not helpful because I could not tell if people were just telling me what I wanted to hear or if I was actually in the right. I had to be truthful with myself because I have to acknowledge my mistakes to be able to learn from them. I came to terms that I was simply being the friend that I would have wanted in that moment if the roles had been reversed. Although we are different people and she may have wanted another reaction, I did what I thought was best for her and offered as much support as I could. This did not suit her and I learned that I was okay with losing someone who was not willing to understand my perspective, or recognize that they also played a major role in the events that transpired.
It is really difficult to help people who are refusing help and it is very draining when you are not in the best position to be helping someone else. It is okay to have a falling out with someone who you thought would be in your life forever. Many people change over time and many people often reveal more of who they are over the course of time when they get more comfortable around you. It is important to always stay true to yourself, your morals, and your values because it can be detrimental to your health to surround yourself with people who do not align with that. You get to choose who you are friends with and as the saying goes, “mejor sola que mal acompañada”, or in English it would be, “it is better to be alone rather than in bad company”. Even if you have been friends for a long time, you can appreciate the memories and all the good moments, but move on to other friendships to be able to continue to focus on yourself and evolve into the best version of yourself.
