Content Warning: burn-out, academic stress, anxiety
Dear stranger,
I hope all is well with you. If not, that’s okay too. Lately, I feel as if I’m slowly losing the motivation to keep going. Maybe it’s the changing season or maybe it’s because I’m almost finishing highschool. I’m not sure, but it feels as though I want to just stay in bed all day where nothing bad happens. It’s not like my life is currently terrible right now either. I have friends, a crush, and I feel well balanced. But I’m just so emotionally exhausted. Sometimes, I come home and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of me, like I’ve been holding in my breath the entire day.
I hate feeling like this, like I’m so drained. I don’t seem as energetic or competitive as before. I’m trying really hard to be like the person I was before, but I can’t seem to find the interest or the energy. The days feel like they’re slipping through my fingers and once I realize the day is already over. I spend my days going to school on auto-pilot and come home just to sleep. My parents are worried, but I honestly don’t even know how I managed to get stuck in this head space. I feel trapped, but telling people about this feels revealing. I know that my friends already think that I’m on some kind of pedestal when I’m not. When we talk about grades it always feels spiteful and I don’t really know when to speak or how to express myself.
Writing has always seemed like the better option for me to express myself, but lately I don’t seem to have the time or motivation to write anything. I have an upcoming poetry competition, but I have nothing that I want to say or passionately write about. It builds to the frustration that I’m feeling. I have so much to say, yet too little words to actually express myself. I have all the wrong words in my mouth. I’m not really sure how to get out of this cycle. It feels so lonely just constantly being stuck in this cycle of going to school and then coming home to just barely have any energy but to scroll on my phone and on top of that, I can’t even sleep well at night. Hopefully, I’ll be able to bounce back before the summer.
Stay safe!
