Content Warnings: emotional distress, trust issues, emotional detachment
Dear stranger,
I hope you’re doing well; even if you’re not, that’s okay. I just finished my last week of sophomore year, and I think this is the first time I’m actually kind of upset that the school year ended. There were just so many loose ends that I would’ve liked to tie up before it was over, but I ended up not having enough time: crushes, grades and some other things. It was an uneventful and unsteady year overall. It was fun, yes, but at the end of the day, I always felt empty and lonely. Every day, it felt like the world was finding new things to leave me behind: future plans, grades, social life, or just myself.
There was a constant part of me that felt like I was always second place for everyone I held dear. And that feeling really sucked. I had crushes on two people: one turned out to be a really terrible person, and the other just wasn’t interested. My grades slowly slipped through my fingers, and I’m terrified of the future. I’ve also found out that I have a really hard time trusting people. All my life, people would leave quickly and come back when they needed help. Slowly but surely, I became emotionally detached from people, even from people I truly loved. It’s like second nature to me now, and it’s really difficult to undo that.
I’m hoping next year will be a better year for me. But if you also feel like this, please go outside, even for five minutes. Just sitting in the sun and enjoying the weather really helps emotionally. Bad things don’t last, I promise. We can get through this. Right now, it’s just a really rough patch. Do something that you love—maybe play some games or create a new character. There will always be light at the end of the tunnel.
Stay safe.
