Content Warnings: Depression, Heartache
Dear stranger,
I hope you’ve been doing well. If not, that’s okay too. I think I’ve gained enough experience to argue that I’ve fallen in love before. It wasn’t reciprocated, but it’s a different kind of attraction compared to a crush. One where you hope that the person is happy with or without you, and that’s the most important part. At least, that’s how I felt. I fell for a close friend; he was very friendly and attentive. I thought he had some kind of interest in me. I soon found out that he was gay and was in no way interested in me romantically, but I just hoped he was happy. We eventually got closer, and he mentioned how he’d fallen for a girl in our friend group. And that really stung. He liked people for who they were, not based on gender. And yet, I still wasn’t the person he fell for.
Another little story of mine is still occurring, and it has a similar ending. I really like this guy, he is amazing. He’s attractive, very interesting to talk to but a bit judgy, though he has a kind heart. I instantly fell for him. Even though I tell my friends I’m over him, I’m really not. When we started to become friends, I was a mess, stuttering, and I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, in fear of embarrassing myself. I got his Snapchat account and we became kind of close, but then he started to distance himself. I decided to distance myself too, not because something happened, but simply because I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable. I wanted to know more about him, but I decided not to pry due to his cautious personality. A whole school year passed without much progress, and then my friends and I decided to work on a group project with him. Two of my friends were able to get him talking, and they got closer to him really quickly. I was sad and even a bit jealous. The way he talks to them so fondly, it makes it hard for me to go to that class. It stung. My body physically ached. I guess I wasn’t his type? Or not enough for him? But I know that nothing will happen between us because he doesn’t find me attractive like I find him, and I’ve swallowed that pill already. We’ll just end up as two people who used to be “friends” or acquaintances.
I guess the biggest take-away from my two little stories is that you shouldn’t be afraid to fall in love. It can be hard and painful, but it’s so beautiful and fun at the same time. Respect people’s boundaries and don’t press on people to do something. Some things just aren’t meant to be and that’s that. But there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, whether it’s romance based or success in general.
Stay safe.
