Letter #35

Content Warning: Unsafe Environment, Anxiety, mention of blood, self-harm, misogyny, stress, patriarchal fear


Graduating is hard.


Most of the time, while we are studying, we are wishing to finally graduate so that we can feel free, we can feel independent, or even being able to help our parents (if you still live with them, like most of the 20-something young adults in Latin America). 


Moving out and starting a life dream is all we can think about, so we focus, and we work to achieve a great GPA. The real problem comes when we go out there and try to find a job. 


I wish I could say it was easy, but if it was, I wouldn’t be writing this letter. 

The truth is: graduating is… scary.


I graduated in May, and it’s been 3 months, and I haven’t been able to find a company that will hire me. I’ve applied to tons of companies, in my country, outside my country, in my city and out of my city, remote and on-site. The problem is, even if I have to move for a job out of my city, I don’t have transportation. 


The opportunities are in the capital, and as I said, I can move, my problem is the transportation method. At this point, you must be thinking, “use public transportation”. 


Public danger is a great matter in my country. Women and young girls are being murdered everyday while using public transportation. Even splurging on an Uber for safety here is impossible, as the danger follows women there.


Change is difficult, but so are our own attempts to grow. In the past three months, I’ve received letters from companies telling me that they are not moving forward with my application; they want to know how I am planning to relocate to get the job, without giving it a thought. 


These last couple of weeks, I’ve been experiencing anxiety episodes to the point that my chest hurts, I have headaches, and I’m biting my cuticles until my fingers bleed. Sleeping is stressful because the only thing I can think is I need to find a job.


I’ll understand if people do not resonate with this story, but I wouldn’t be surprised if someone did. Growing is stressful and full of anxiety, because growing means that now you can understand the weight of certain decisions, the weight of actions, and you have a better picture of how money works and even how useful it is.


Being a woman is not easy, and being a new graduate is not easy. We all know we sadly live in a world where men are the head of families and companies, and men are, most of the time, quite frightening, with their actions and thoughts. 


I am scared. I fear not being able to fulfill my goals due to my fears. I am worried because my family thinks I am not doing my best to find a job, and I am scared to disappoint them. 

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