Content Warning: anxiety, academic/professional overwhelm
I am writing this letter as a self-reflection piece as I graduate university. I have been feeling the pressure as I am going to be released into the real world as a “working citizen”. I am unsure of what I’m going to do in the future, as I am someone who overthinks and struggles with sticking to an agenda. All I could hope for is to gain some sort of solace in knowing that I will be okay in the end.
Through the course of four years, I have been battling with thoughts that I wouldn’t dare declare to anyone, as I feel that my thoughts are too strong for anyone to handle. Thoughts of being useless, dumb, and unworthy to be successful. These are constant anxieties that I struggled and continue to struggle with in my everyday life. I hoped that they would go away when I graduated from university, but they are still present, here with me.
Many students my age or even younger seem to be self-aware of what they are going to pursue in life, while I’m stuck reliving some fantasy that I would be more successful than my peers because of certain qualities that I have attained in my years of schooling. In reality, I am jealous of those who are sure of the path they want to go on. While, I’m stuck trying to be someone I’m not.
The unrealistic pressures and competition that I have with my relatives–and continue to receive from my parents–have been unhelpful, as I am continuously looking for ways to do better than my relatives. I have dreams of being richer, but those dreams are only a reality once I soon realize that everyone’s path is different. Currently, I am struggling with finding out what I’m good at. Hopefully, I will soon learn more as I continue to elevate my own knowledge and learn that everyone’s pathway to success looks different and may take time to achieve.