Content Warnings: academic stress, panic attack, anxiety
Hello stranger,
Hope you’ve been well, but if you haven’t, that’s okay too. I just finished my largest exam yet, and it stressed me out. I had a really strict teacher, one who made us compete with other classmates to “get better.” But, in reality, it only made tensions between each social clique worse. If someone did not do their homework, the teacher would purposefully call them out and make us do quizzes. At one time they even released our unofficial class ranks, and it caused some trouble between the top students. But those tensions weren’t bad enough for the students affected to tell other teachers or authorities about the cause of their cracking friendships. Honestly, it felt like a cold slap to my face when she called out the names because a small part of me expected my name to be in the top five, but it wasn’t. It was a selfish thought, but I was frustrated at myself for not being able to get better grades.
After the test, I felt relieved, but also so sick. I felt a headache coming on, and after I went home, my throat began to become sore. I went to school the next day, but I got a high fever that night and a panic attack. I stayed home the following day. My parents told me that I needed to rest and explained how my body was reacting to the sudden relief of stress.
Please don’t stress yourself out right now. If you’re going through school currently, like me, I don’t want you to tire yourself out so much that you physically become ill because it feels so terrible. There was even a point where I couldn’t feel my hands. I know grades seem so important and that teachers even compare students to other students, especially if you’re in a higher level class, but it’s just a grade at the end of the day. They don’t measure your intelligence, they don’t define you as a person. It’s okay to stress, but remember to take breaks. Drink water, eat well, maybe squeeze in a couple of movie breaks (they always help me feel refreshed), and definitely get plenty of sleep.
Take care.
