Content Warnings: Anxiety, academic stress
Dear stranger,
How are you? I hope you’ve been well. If not, then that’s alright too. Lately, I feel like I’m losing my mind about my classes. My grades are slowly slipping, and I can’t stop it. I was a straight-A student up until now, but now, I can’t feel motivated to do anything. This year was the first time that I faced a class that I thought was too hard for me. I’m currently taking Advanced Placement physics, and I honestly don’t even know where to begin.
I love theories and different topics. Understanding why something works the way it works is very entertaining to me, but I don’t understand the math at all. I stare at a problem and nothing comes to mind even if I study for it for hours on end. I wonder if I’m doing something wrong or if there’s something wrong with me. I don’t understand how certain numbers come to fit into the equation and it deeply frustrates me. I have a test coming soon, and I’m just so tired of losing sleep. My body’s even showing physical signs of stress, like hair loss and migraines.
I find myself reluctant to start working on my school work from just thinking about how I can solve the homework for Physics, just lying on my bed as I try to focus on my other homework. I can’t seem to focus on anything lately, and I feel so stupid because I keep getting lower and lower grades. Time seems to slip away from me while I’m scrolling on my phone, trying to ignore my problems. I end up staying up late, trying to catch up on all the work that I should’ve been doing all day.
I’m so exhausted and burnt out. I’m tired of the teacher’s disappointed looks and stares when I ask them a clarifying question that they’ve already explained. I feel restless even when I’m sleeping and worried that I might be forgetting work that I needed to do. I feel like I’m stuck in a constant loop of just worrying and getting frustrated at the people around me, but especially myself for not being able to perform as well as I want to. Maybe my expectations are too high and I end up disappointing myself all the time. I feel like I need to do better constantly, like nothing I do is good enough for anyone. So, that’s where I am right now. Maybe it’ll get better soon enough, hopefully!
Stay safe.
