Content Warnings: academic stress, burnout
Hello stranger,
How are you? I hope you’re doing well. Even if you’re not, that’s okay. I’m very exhausted lately. I’m finding less and less motivation to actually do anything. I’ve recently started year 11 in school. It’s tiring; I hate the things we need to do or the things we’re expected to know. To be completely honest, I don’t know what I want to do in the future or where I’m headed. However, all of my teachers expect children like us to have all the answers to life already. I’m tired of having to do so much in so little time. With little to no help from teachers, I’m lost. People around me are convinced that I’m a smart kid, but I’m not. I’m just as lost as anyone else. I’m so burnt out and tired. I just want to enjoy my remaining days of childhood.
I’ve just started the school year, and my grades are already slipping. My old passions that helped me relax, like running or singing, only make me frustrated now. I feel so angry all the time for no particular reason; sometimes my words come out more snappy than I intend them to. People around me are always talking about relationships and how they were able to take it to the next step, but I find myself questioning if I’ll ever even find someone I can trust enough to date. I struggle with voicing my concerns on a day to day basis. I don’t know if I can talk to someone about my feelings without feeling like a burden.
My teachers are telling us about universities and jobs. How we need to plan ahead if we don’t want to be ‘failures.’ Very encouraging, right? They all talk about doing different clubs or taking as many advanced classes as humanly possible. But I don’t know how we’re supposed to balance our social life with our academic studies. Or what if we just want time to ourselves to do more quiet hobbies, like writing or painting? Most students are already worried about their future—some are even scared of it—so I don’t understand why there is a precedent of teachers placing even heavier burdens on their students. We’re just kids trying to figure out ourselves and the rules of society.
It’s honestly really terrifying to think that I’ll be in college in two years. I don’t think I’m ready, but I’m not sure if I ever will be completely. The past 16 years went by so quickly, yet it felt like an eternity. I’m honestly afraid of the future, I’m afraid of losing my childhood innocence. I’ve always wanted to leave my hometown, and my feelings about that haven’t changed, but as I get closer to moving out. It’s really scary, even if I don’t openly admit it. But, I’m also excited to open a new chapter. To be able to discover myself more and to be able to meet new people.
Stay safe.
