Content Warning: Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Job Stress, Low Self-Esteem, Isolation
Dear reader,
Finding an internship was incredibly difficult as a college student. In January last year, I was overjoyed when a company called me for an internship interview. Little did I know that this internship would lead to depression, anxiety, and a lack of self-love. In June 2021, I began my online internship with high hopes of learning and discovering new things. However, on my first day, there was no official presentation, and my manager ghosted me for a week after I was introduced as her new intern.
The following ten months were horrendous; I experienced numerous mental breakdowns throughout the day. The workload was overwhelming, and nobody seemed to care. Tight deadlines and high pressure became the norm. I constantly faced criticism, with the recurring question in my head, “Was I made for this?” When I vocalized my frustrations, I was labeled as someone who couldn’t handle criticism and a lazy person who didn’t give her job enough consideration. I persevered because I desperately needed the internship, not realizing I was sinking into depression. I cried every day, experiencing a range of emotions from anger to sadness as the weekend ended and Monday approached. Getting ready for work became a daily routine of tears. Despite my initial passion for the job, I really started to hate it.
When the internship finally ended, I felt a sense of relief, thinking that my ten months of anxiety were over, only to discover that it would be another year-long struggle with depression, lack of confidence, and anxiety. During that year, I could barely leave my house, and my life had lost its meaning. I cried over trivial things, became aggressive for no reason, and felt unhappy without understanding why. I smiled less, talked less, stayed in bed, avoided social gatherings, and distanced myself from loved ones because no one seemed to understand the emotional turmoil I was going through. I could barely eat or sleep, consumed by my negative thoughts.
However, I’ve come a long way since then. I’m on the path to recovery, relearning how to find peace and happiness. It’s not an easy journey, but I hope to rediscover myself and find genuine happiness once again.
