Letter #157

Content Warning: Anxiety, Depression, Depressive Episodes


Dear Friend, 


I think I’m doing better. 


I’ve been making a paper star every day, color-coded to my emotions, from days when I couldn’t stop smiling to days when it was hard to move. Strung all together, they form an almost incomprehensible mess of colors—but I use it to remind myself that my slumps don’t last forever. It’s proof that good days, days where I think I can breathe again, do exist, even if they are few. A pink dot in a swatch of blues. Even if it’s just one day a month, that’s what I live for. The 1/30th.


It comes back. It always comes back. 


My family sometimes walks past the stars on my desk and compliments how cute they are. It’s kind of uncomfortable and strange to hear that said about something that represents a very vulnerable part of my life. But I have to keep reminding myself that only I understand the code I assigned to the colors and everything I have hidden.

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